When Did I Become This Girl?

I wish I could say that when it comes to wanting a family I’ve always been the laid back chick, when it happens-it happens. But that just isn’t me. I’ve always wanted babies.

Hell, on our first date I told the hubby, then some guy I thought was sweet, that I wanted babies. Not that I thought at that time he was the man I wanted to father the gaggle of kiddos I wanted. I just felt like he deserved to know that I was…let’s say, eccentric. That sounds good. lol

So fast forward 13 years and almost as many miscarriages, and here we are. A couple who use two apps, a BBT alarm & thermometer, and OPKs.

When I turned 35 last year my fear of never having a baby took on a whole new level of crazy. And I went from being ok with, “it’ll happen when it happens”, to this frantic “I have to have a baby NOW!” So I started using an app to track my cycles and guess when my fertile window was.

It didn’t take long for that to prove to be no help. So when it came time to upgrade my iPhone…I decided it was time to upgrade my TTC app. After finding and downloading 4, I settled on Glow & Ovia and pushed the others out of my life.

And then I discovered that it’s not tracking your cycle, that’s simply the beginning. Actually, it’s for rookies. lol There’s BBT charting…basal body temperature…to help with figuring out when you’re gonna ovulate. And then there’s OPKs…ovulation predicting kits…to really help pinpoint ovulation. Not to mention the teas, and vitamins, and foods-and don’t even get me started on what some are saying coconut oil can do if used as a, well you get the idea.

Now, here I am a couple months shy of my 36th birthday, and this is what a lot of pictures in my camera roll look like:

2015/01/img_3386.jpg

That’s right…a good 30% of the photos in my camera roll are pictures depicting my POAS life. (Pee On A Stick) I spend a week waiting for those lines to match in color and then stressing about timing sex. And trust me, there’s is nothing less sexy than scheduling sex. Nothing!

It’s so frustrating when trying to get pregnant is no longer about fun. Ya know?!

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4 thoughts on “When Did I Become This Girl?

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