You Say, “Relax”, I Hear…”Please Punch Me In My Throat”

Yup! That’s right! I absolutely hate when someone tells me to relax. Mainly because the person whose normally telling me to relax is usually the reason I’m upset to begin with.

But in regards to TTC…someone telling me to relax is probably going to be the reason I make the lead story on the news one day.

So let me start off by saying that I do totally get that it’s coming from a place of love. I do totally get that you are coming from a place of caring. But, OMG!!! Please don’t tell me to relax.

See, my TTC journey has been ongoing for 13 years now. I’m so not a newbie. I’m not simply having unprotected sex or recently have stopped taking birth control because we’re OK if it happens. I am a temperature taking, app using, chart stalking, stick peeing, cervical mucus checking, supplement taking, baby obsessed fool.

There’s only something like a 20% chance that a woman will get pregnant during any given cycle. And that’s if there’s no issues what so ever. Unfortunately, I’m an issues girl.

I use 3 different apps to make sure I’m covering all bases. Because two always seems to be a couple days apart from each other. And one has the best chart…only one cycle at a time, and the whole cycle can easily be seen.

I have a BBT alarm set because you have to take your temperature at the same time every day. And temping is the most accurate way to tell when you’re going to ovulate. So, why bother if you’re not gonna do it right?!

I test twice a day with OPKs because it’s the smart thing to do. LH levels apparently increase every 6 to 12 hours. So, you can easily miss the beginning of the surge by only testing once a day. And again, if you’re gonna do it…do it up right! I stock up on pregnancy tests and start taking them early because I have to get medical care as soon as possible. And the difference in knowing I’m pregnant 4 days before my missed period and 2 days after I’m late can play a huge role in a healthy pregnancy for me.

I take supplement because it’s recommended to take a prenatal vitamin that contains folic acid to help prevent neural tube defects. The other vitamins I take are to help supplement my life with Lupus.

Everything I am doing is because every fiber in my being wants to hear a tiny voice call me “mommy”. I don’t do this because I like the chaos it brings. Who wants to carry OPKs in their purse so they aren’t chained to the house from CD10 to CD-whenever the hell I ovulate?! No one!!!

I do all this because relaxing and waiting for it to happen naturally got me no where. And now I’m almost 36. Which means that I don’t have time to just relax and see what happens. It’s simply the reality of my situation.

So while I absolutely love & need all the support I can get while on this roller coaster…telling me to relax will do just the opposite. Because as much as the intelligent side of me knows you are looking out for me, the super sensitive-slightly irrational side of me believes that you think I shouldn’t be in charge of a plant…let alone another human being.

If your electricity goes out, you call the electric company to report it. If the representative that answers the call suggests you change a lightbulb to see if that’s the true problem, you totally take offense…right?! Cause who would be that dumb to mistake a burned out lightbulb for total loss of electricity?! Well, however crazy it sounds…that’s exactly what I hear when someone tells me to relax about TTC.

It’s like my longing for a child is being taken for granted. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. I interpret it as being told to give up. But more so, being told to give up like it’s the most natural, easiest thing in the world to do. 

So please, the next time your TTC friend is falling apart…keep this in mind-we hate hearing relax! Suggest meditation or yoga. Ask if they’ve tried acupuncture to help with the stress. Sing them Soft Kitty. Just please don’t use the R word. 


(Not my photo. It was shared in one of my groups. Please let me know if it’s yours so I can do proper photo credit.)

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About Monique

Married to the love of my life for more than ten years, mommy to angels waiting for us...I'm just a girl trying to navigate my way through life while fighting IIH & EDS and all the craziness that infertility has brought into our lives.

Posted on March 3, 2015, in Life, TTC and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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