I have been so horrible at the whole blog owner thing lately! Shame on me. Even though it may not seem like it, I am committed to this site. I’ve just been in a very odd place lately.
Everything has just taken a very odd turn in my life the past few months. I got stymied in my Stillbirthday training. I am just stuck on the last two chapters and can not for the life of me get past them. I found a love for indie yarn…hand dyed awesomeness that is not cheap. lol And out TTC journey has taken a turn that I did not see coming. Nothing that I’m ready to fully disclose right now…it’s still kinda fresh. But the hardest thing that we’ve gone through the last few months is my FIL passed away. It wasn’t suddenly, it wasn’t a surprise, and man did he fight.
So, even though we’ve been making plans and putting things into motion for our future, I’ve just been very unmotivated in general. And it doesn’t help that I started a workout regime that has just absolutely frustrated me. And I really don’t think that it’s necessary for my Wii Fit U *game* to use the phrase, “just saying”, when it’s telling me how things should be done. For real, that shit is irritating.
Anyways…I kind of got off on a tangent. lol So today’s blog is just a random topic that I pulled in order to get me to do a post. So here we go…
10 Things I’m Afraid Of (right now anyways)
- Clowns…duh! My aunt use to collect them. She isn’t that much older than me, and was the baby of the family before I was born. She was not happy that I came along, especially since I was born kind of sickly & early and automatically got a lot of attention. So one day while she was babysitting me, I was about 4…she put me down for a nap in her room that was covered in clowns and put in a movie for me to watch…Stephen King’s “It”. Needless to say, I am not a fan of clowns.
- Finding out about a major incident on “The Walking Dead” before I see it happen…especially if it’s something that happened several seasons back. I know I’m a little late to the party, but I’ve only just recently started watching it and am in catch up mode. (Thank you Netflix for being absolutely awesome for that!)
- That “The Player” won’t come back next season. I always do this, I get into a new show and then it’s not picked up for a second season. I did that with NBC show years ago about the fertility clinic, I did it with “Gang Related”, “Almost Human”, “Forever”. Oh, when they announced that “Forever” wasn’t coming back, I was so sad! And, I’m pretty sure that the same is going to happen with “The Player”.
- I’m afraid of not having strong enough wax melts for when that damn skunk strikes again. I think he’s young, probably born this spring, and just hasn’t totally mastered his spray when he’s startled. But he’s sprayed near my bedroom 3 times in the past 6 weeks. It’s not been fun. Country living, who knew?! lol
- That I won’t lose the weight that I gained over the last few years fighting some pretty bad flares. But, I am trying.
- That my husband will one day say that I don’t need another pair of shoes and actually mean it.
- That one day I will believe I am too old for Build-A-Bear Workshop.
- That I won’t finish my Stillbirthday training.
- Jeff Gordon retiring. I know how stupid that sounds. And yes, I am a die hard #24 fan. I have been since his very first race. And yes, his retirement announcement broke my heart. I cried Sunday as he took the checkered flag at Martinsville. But, my fear of him retiring isn’t about me as a fan. My daddy was a huge Jeff Gordon fan too. Not as big as me, but very close. He was such a fan, that we thought it needed to be mentioned in his obituary when he passed away in 2013. And we put his ashes in a Jeff Gordon cookie jar that he gave to me for Christmas years ago. It just seemed perfect. And now, Jeff Gordon is retiring. As silly as it seems, I feel like that’s one more connection to my daddy that I am losing. One more thing that time has taken…will take…continues to take. The world goes on and changes like nothing ever happened. Just a little heartbreaking.
- And finally…and always…that I won’t be a mommy. It’s scary to think that it may never happen, and it’s something that I am terrified of.
So, there you go. 10 things I’m afraid of at the moment. The bright side to them is that, for the most part, they are fixable. I know that eventually I will get caught up on “The Walking Dead” & my class work for Stillbirthday. My husband knows better than to actually say out loud that I don’t really need a new pair of shoes…he enjoys sex too much for that. If “The Player” isn’t picked up…there will be a new show next season that I’ll enjoy. lol There a greater chance of Build-A-Bear going out of business before I think I’m too old for it. But, I think the biggest bright spot is that in 2 weeks, the hubby and I will see a doctor and find out what our next step will be in our TTC journey. And I truly feel good about this appointment. I don’t know how it will go, honestly. It could be the next step, or it could be the end. I don’t feel like it will be the end though. I feel like it’s just going to be our next step. And I know that we’ve had a few set backs over the last month and half, but I pray that it’s going to be ok and that we will be able to move forward.