New Year, New…well, kinda new…Plans
So, once again I start off a blog post by admitting what a horrible blog owner I’ve been.
When I last posted, almost a year ago, the hubby and I were moving forward in our TTC journey by embarking upon our first medicated cycle with our fertility specialist. And then the bottom fell out for us.
While trying to get things situated for a healthy pregnancy, I decided that I was going to see an ophthalmologist and a neurologist so that they could monitor my IIH during the treatment…and hopefully subsequent pregnancy. Sadly, I was referred to what has to be the worst neurologist in my state. He was pompous, condescending, arrogant…he basically thought he was God. He actually told me that I would go blind if I got pregnant…and “what kind of mother would you be then? No one wants a blind parent”!!! Said it outloud! He did everything but call me fat, told me that I was lying about not having symptoms that he was certain I was having, accused my husband of essentially lying when my husband said that I wasn’t experiencing those symptoms. He basically did everything he could to make me hate him. I left his office outraged and hurt. I had actually been judged as a mother before I was even pregnant. Then, it got worse.
That appointment just happened to be the same day as one of my fertility doctor appointments. That cycle was a bust and when I went back a week later to discuss what the plan for the next cycle was…my fertility doctor showed me a letter he had received from the neurologist. The neurologist told my fertility doctor that I “denied having symptoms”, that I needed bariatric surgery, that I was going to go blind, that I had no business trying to start a family. He killed my chances of continuing treatment with my fertility doctor until I could get in to another neurologist who would give me the all clear to start trying to conceive again. The wait to in to see my neurologist was more than 6 months.
I was a mess. I just about gave up. All I have ever wanted was to be a momma, and I felt like it was never going to happen. So I totally pulled into myself.
Now, granted, I did need to lose weight. I knew that. I never once told myself that I was anything but overweight. And if that doctor had attempted to pay attention, he’d have learned that I was already working on weight loss. Everything else he said was a total load of crap. But, it was just the kick in the ass I needed to get really motivated about it while I was waiting to get into the new neurologist. And I’ve lost close to 80lbs so far. Still would like to lose some more, but I am so much happier than I was!
I did a ton of other things while I was waiting to get in to see the new neuro. I got baptized! I taught my very first Vacation Bible School class…pre-K! Had so much fun with it. I became obsessed with LuLaRoe! Like, for real…the addiction I have is crazy! And before I knew it, August was here and I was in to see the new neuro.
My very first appointment with him was AMAZING! He figured out right away that my IIH did have a cause. He figured out that I had a blockage in my veins that was causing the spinal fluid to build up in my brain. And then he told me that it could be fixed. He said that I should start back up with the fertility treatments just as soon as possible and that “God willing, you’ll be pregnant soon”! How awesome is that?!
So, as soon as I could schedule an appointment with my fertility specialist again, I was in.
We are currently on our 4th round of Clomid. I’ve responded well each cycle to it. It’s been 5 cycles, but I took November off of the medicine so that I could have surgery to repair the blockage and “cure” my IIH.
I am so beyond hopeful and excited for this journey. And as the new year starts off, I am excited to think that I have my blogging mojo back. I can not begin to thank everyone for all the love and support that I have received over this past year. I am surrounding by such an amazing group of people that I would be lost without you all. And I am so thankful for the love and support of the many women that I have met through this blog and the FB page.
I am going to promise to do better and get this blog up and running and everything I hope it will be soon! Thank you so much for your patience.